Shades of Grey in the New Year


I often talk to my clients about “finding the gray” when it comes to food, since many are used to thinking in very black-and-white terms. Foods are seen as either good or bad, virtuous or decadent, on their list or off of it. The idea that there are no wrong foods, just more or less health-giving ways of eating, is a hard concept to digest. In fact, what feels like a health-giving way to eat for one person may not work for another. Look around and observe all the diverse body types out there. You can’t tell me that all those unique bodies need the same kinds of food all the time! Now, I studied nutrition science extensively and I know a thing or two about how the body’s physiology works. But I also know that bodies all over the world have lived on so many different types of diets. I believe that we are what we eat, in a sense, but I also believe that our bodies are quite resilient. When I work with clients to really listen within to their own internal wisdom about what to eat (and how much of it) at any given moment, a wonderful trusting relationship with one’s own body -- and eventually with food -- develops. But this process requires letting go of “rules” and being comfortable with gray.

Let’s think for a moment about the softness of the color gray. I happen to really like this color, but it’s not just because I’m discovering more of it on my head as I move through my 40s. I like gray because it is not too perfectly clean or rigid like black or white. It’s flexible and shifting like fog, which means it requires a leap of faith to perceive what is behind it. Think fluffy clouds or soft gray animal fur or smooth stones at the beach... Embrace the not-so-perfect weather, the softness, the unknowing... Once your thinking allows for more gray, there are more possibilities, and you just might not want to go back to black and white again.

I was recently talking with a client about the part of her that she described as feeling like an impulsive young child when she binge-eats sugary foods. Although some people may find that avoiding the substance that they crave (like sugar) works for them, I generally see that most people don’t find that avoidance sustainable. Instead, the work is about caring for that impulsive young child within and giving her some of the limits that perhaps were not given in a secure, loving way. I encourage clients to work toward an inner impulse control that is neither rigid and authoritarian nor overly permissive and self-destructive. Gray again. Somewhere between the no-sugar-ever and the eat-whatever-I-want-whenever-I-want-to is this inner parent-like force of loving, self-care that says, "You may have a piece of chocolate, but after you first give your body a healthy snack."

The reality is that we make choices. There is no right or wrong way to eat. But there are consequences for every choice, and there are some choices that are physically and mentally more aligned with self-care. Sometimes it's having dessert. Sometimes it's not having dessert. When we are feelings connected to our core self, we don't have to work so hard to make these choices. And then we choose and let go of the outcome, noticing how we feel and what happens over time, and learn from the choices that we make.

Attuned eating is good self-care. But it's not a prescription or a diet or an outside force that decides what attuned eating should be like. Your own internal wisdom really does know what is best for you. Attuned eating is also not perfect, but it is often aware and open to learning. It’s a real practice. In 2013, take time to pause and listen and embrace the gray... There is no need for resolutions, just a resoluteness to tune in and take good care.

Many blessings to all of you in the New Year! May you find more peace, love, and joy in your living...